I sunk my manicured claws into Theresa Braun for this week’s Wrong Answers Only interview, because my readers deserve the absolute best. I did it for you, you see? I made her sing like a canary, and lie like a corrupt politician for you. *evil laugh* And oh, it was glorious … She squirmed, begged, called me a modern-day Annie Wilkes (as if that’s a bad thing, ha!), before she finally lied, lied, LIED.
It took some work, I’ll admit, but for you guys, I’d torment Theresa Braun again. 🙂
LIE Like You Mean It, Or Else …
What inspired you to start writing?
One day on my way back home from a walk to the corner bakery, it started to rain. And, I mean like cats and dogs. With an umbrella in one hand (yes, luckily I was prepared) and yummy gluten-free treat in the other, I was struck by lightning. The entire street lit up as the bolt zapped the umbrella right outta my grip. Tragically, my pastry had gone all soggy. But the good news is that a booming voice said: “Whatever you do, you must write. And, like now.” And, I’ve obeyed. Like who wouldn’t?
If you weren’t a writer, what would you be?
That’s easy. By night I’d be a professional sleeper, which means getting paid to test out hotel beds to make sure they’re comfy. Why not make money the easy way? By day I’d be a part-time cat cuddler. I still can’t believe that’s even a job. The rest of the time I’d be a nail polish/paint namer. Someone’s gotta come up with those cute and exotic names for colors. Creativity is my game, remember? The lightning bolt said so.
How do you handle writer’s block?
I get out my book of spells and summon Calliope, one of the Greek muses. If I’m feeling extra blocked I also invoke Brigid and Boann, Celtic goddesses of inspiration. I light a candle and we dance around my computer until I see glittery stars floating around it. With some sips of a special tea (a very secret recipe), I get to work.
How do you develop your plot and characters?
That would be thanks to my cat (the Great Catsby). Sometimes he sends the information in dreams. I see him with a marker at my dry erase board, and he tells me what to jot down. When I wake up there’s an elaborate web of notes already mapped out. Other times we get nose to nose, and he sends me the information via telepathy. He’s the best.
What is the most surprising thing you discovered while writing your book(s)?
That I can be funny. No one in my life, especially the high school students I teach, think I have a sense of humor. But somehow during the writing process, I crack myself up. Sometimes my wit emerges by mere accident while I’m concocting something dark and tragic. But mostly the ridiculousness just flows like that ‘pink slime’ meat factories pass off as real ground beef. I know not everyone gets my jokes, but that’s all part of my mystery.
Where do you draw inspiration from?
The Dumpster. You laugh, but it’s pretty amazing. I go down to my building’s garbage room and step up so I can gaze into the contents. As I study the trash bags and miscellaneous items thrown in there, my imagination gets incredibly triggered. I envision all kinds of stories about why the items are there, what they were like before being tossed, and the personalities of the people who threw them away. It’s always a bonus to find something usual down there like a genie lamp or something. On days when the Dumpster is empty, I pull an Agatha Christie and eat apples in my bathtub. That works really well, too. You should try it.
Who is your favourite author and why?
Charles Dickens, but not for his writing per se. I read somewhere that he had this obsession with the Paris morgue. He’d spend hours in there, contemplating ‘the attraction of repulsion’ (something I can really relate to). After a while he’d have hallucinations and nightmares about the dead. But that’s not all. Apparently, Dickens fixated on the idea of cannibalism. He collected sketches and imagery of people eating people. And he also wrote quite a bit about the subject. When the citizens in his community found out how the morgue just piled up bodies before burial, Dickens advocated for better treatment of the corpses, making him sort of a hero of the dead. You can look this up. It’s all true. He’s quite my inspiration.
What is your favorite book?
Recently, I finished a treatise about “Scooby Doo”. I’ve studied every episode and have broken down all the deeper meanings hidden there, not only in the storyline, but also in the animation itself. Not too many people have freeze-framed the cartoon to look for such gems. But I’ve done all the legwork so you don’t have to. I’ve also constructed an in-depth analysis of the characters and what each of them represent. In addition, I’ve tackled the symbolism of the Scooby snack, which is quite enlightening, if I do say so myself. That, by far, is the longest chapter.
What were the key challenges you faced when writing this book?
While my friends said that I should be focusing on something more productive, I pressed on despite their lack of support. When you believe in something that much, you just have to ignore the nay-sayers, which can be quite the challenge. They said no one cares that much about the show. It’s just meant as fun entertainment. I beg to differ. “Scooby Doo” was my life as a kid, and it’s the least I can do to give back to its creators.
On a typical day, how much time do you spend writing?
Oh, I don’t really write that much. You see, my other cat (Tony) takes care of it for me. While I’m out gathering ideas, or surfing social media for hours, he takes the notes from the dry erase board and pounds those paws on the keyboard. He’s such a better typist than I am. He must’ve been a writer in a past life. I really owe all of my success to my two fur babies. I’m in the process of making sure they are immortal because I don’t know what I’d do without them.
About Theresa Braun
Theresa Braun has a Master’s degree in English literature and lives in South Florida where she has taught literature and writing for over 20 years. Traveling, ghost hunting, and all things dark are her passions. Her short stories have appeared in several horror and speculative fiction publications, including The Horror Zine, Sirens Call, Best Indie Speculative Fiction November 2018, and Double Barrel Horror Volume 3. Her experiences living in a haunted house in Winona, Minnesota have inspired her most recent book, Fountain Dead, released by Unnerving.
You can find her at:
Fountain Dead
Mark is uprooted from his home and high school in the Twin Cities and forced to move with his family into a Victorian in Nowhere-ville. Busy with the relocation and fitting in, Mark’s parents don’t see what’s unfolding around them—the way rooms and left behind objects seem alive with a haunted past.
Of course, Mark keeps his ghostly encounters to himself, all the while sinking deeper into the house’s dark, alluring, and ultimately terrifying history. As romantic entanglements intensify, the paranormal activity escalates. Past and present come together. Everything is connected—from the bricks in the walls to the hearts beating in their chests, all the secrets of Fountain Dead are finally unearthed.
