Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) sounds like a spell from Harry Potter, but it’s more like something out of a Japanese horror movie. Imagine excessive nausea, extreme vomiting, unnatural fatigue, weight loss, dehydration, malnutrition, and a whole array of other stuff that stems from the abovementioned primary symptoms. You can die from Hyperemesis Gravidarum (not kidding) if it’s left untreated or gets misdiagnosed, which happens often. Don’t worry, though … Hyperemesis Gravidarum only affects a small number of pregnant women (surprise, I’m pregnant!), which means very little research is being done to help women suffering from this rare illness, especially since HG brings in some big bucks for hospitals, doctors, pharmaceutical companies, and so on.
Anyway, so here’s my story of why I’ve been M.I.A. as of late and how I’ve been dealing with HG.
My HG Story
Husband and I had been trying to start a family since we got married in 2017, but obviously things weren’t going the way we wanted. In August 2020, we decided together, we’ve had enough of the emotional rollercoaster. If it wasn’t meant to be, then we weren’t going to force things. I don’t know what happened, but late September 2020 we were finally blessed with that positive pregnancy test! I was pretty shocked, considering we had made peace with the fact that kids may not be in our future literally a month earlier. Shocked or not, though, we were happy.
At that point, I already started having morning sickness. It wasn’t that bad, though. Normal morning sickness isn’t that bad. You throw up once, twice, maybe three times a day and voila. At that point, I was more concerned about my excessive fatigue (I could sleep 18 hours without trying), but that was the extent of my pregnancy symptoms. Doable, almost easy, right? It would pass. Well, let’s fast forward to early October 2020 and there we are at our first OBGYN visit, where I was prescribed some fancy-smhancy pregnancy multivitamins, which I took religiously. I mean, every mom-to-be wants what’s best for their growing baby, which means we listen to what our doctors tell us to do. Well, nobody (not I, my husband, or the OBGYN) expected what came next …
By mid-October, my morning sickness had already gradually increased from twice a day to four, six, then ten times a day. I couldn’t figure out what was happening to me. I still ate often, even though very little stayed down, and I tried all the “remedies” to help alleviate the so-called “morning sickness”—ginger, crackers, peppermint tea, vitamin B6, you name it. Nothing helped. By the end of October, I already felt like death, but my sense of humor was still in tact. I tried to be normal me, although we had to cancel quite a few engagements with friends and family (and I already hadn’t been able to work much).
When November rolled in, things escalated fast. The vomiting was already up to twenty times a day (we were keeping a diary of when I’d eaten and drank something and when I’d vomited, so the doctors wouldn’t think I was exaggerating my symptoms). I was throwing up blood, because I’d torn my esophagus, and I’d lost 14kgs (30lbs) of weight. When I started crying in front of the fridge due to hunger and thirst, my husband convinced me to go to the ER the first time. Once there, I was treated for severe dehydration via IV. They also found my heartbeat to be irregular, my blood pressure to be low, and a bladder and kidney infection I didn’t even know I had. I was in and out of there without a diagnosis, but I was able to eat and keep food down … well, for a whole two days I could keep food down, at least.
By the end of November, I was throwing up between thirty and thirty-five times a day, but my OBGYN had diagnosed me with HG then and he’d given me a letter so I could be treated at any hospital without being questioned. I headed back to the same ER, hoping to get another IV to alleviate my symptoms just long enough to eat something. By then, I’d already lost 18kgs (39lbs), torn a muscle between my ribs, and was still vomiting blood constantly. My second visit to the ER wasn’t pleasant, even with my “golden ticket” from my OBGYN. Outside the curtains of the room they’d stuffed me in, I heard the ER doctor say to the nurse that I was a hypochondriac and “to keep an eye on me” for some reason or another. They brought me one of those customer review slips (you know, the ones where you rate the place and staff) before I was even given the IV with a 250ml saline bag (yes, they treated me with a mini saline bag this time).
That visit to the ER broke me in ways I didn’t think possible.
You read about other Hyperemesis Gravidarum survivors’ horror stories, how they were treated by medical staff, and it blows your mind. Then it happens to you and you’re wholly unprepared on how to deal with it. There I lay in the ER with a torn esophagus, a torn muscle between my ribs, barely able to lift my own head, constantly crying because my body can’t handle the trauma it’s being put through, and they call me a hypochondriac. WTF?
Nevertheless, two days later, I was admitted to a different hospital for the first time. My body had gone into shock. I was dehydrated, malnourished, and renal and heart failure was a real possibility. They allowed my husband to enter the isolation ward “just in case”, because this was a “just in case” situation to them. All the doctor could do was try to stabilize me while experimenting with drugs that could maybe help. Clopamon, Zofran (an anti-nausea drug they prescribe to chemo patients), Valoid, etc. None of the usual HG drugs seemed to work. I couldn’t get pain medication, because when you’re pregnant all you’re allowed is paracetamol and my kidneys weren’t doing well enough to cope with that yet. I threw up blood constantly, which actually helped the doctor in the end, but more about that later. Anywho, twelve IVs later, everything suddenly stopped. No vomiting, no nausea, I could eat. We thought we’d beat the HG. Ha! HAHAHAHA!
I relapsed two days after being discharged from the hospital the first time. Honestly, I can’t remember much of the three days that came after that, when we tried to stabilize me at home. Apparently I was constantly crying, telling my husband I want a divorce, saying I could feel my organs shut down, and vomiting nonstop. The last straw was when Husband counted my vomiting forty-four times in 24 hours. I couldn’t even brush my own hair, bathe, or walk without his help to the car. I was re-admitted that morning, where my OBGYN treated me with 15 IVs of fluid, for a potassium shortage, and then we found the only drug that has given me any relief to date … Nexium 40g, because my stomach lining was disintegrating.
Throughout all this, though, the baby remains in perfect health. 🙂 So, there’s no reason to be worried about the little bundle coming in May 2021. <3
How I’m Dealing with Hyperemesis Gravidarum
I’ve been out of hospital for almost three weeks, but it’s still a touch-and-go situation every day. Yes, I can eat now and usually I keep my food down, but some days are worse than others. I can’t make any plans, because although I feel great today, tomorrow I may relapse again. I missed Christmas and New Year’s day completely because I threw up and my body just shut down completely. All I did was sleep those days away.
Hyperemesis Gravidarum is a constant battle against your own body, with or without medication. It is NOT regular morning sickness. It can be triggered by the weirdest things (smells, bright light, loud noises, etc. In my case, I was also triggered by screens and monitors … all modern technology, basically). People don’t always understand what you’re going through either, and you’ll likely lose your job, friends, and annoy family because you simply can’t keep up with your obligations. It’s hell financially, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Still, I’m lucky we found a medication that alleviates the worst symptoms pretty early on. I’m twenty weeks pregnant now, which is the halfway mark, so I count my blessings every day. Some women with Hyperemesis Gravidarum aren’t as lucky—they never find their personal cure because every woman responds to something else differently. Heck, the more severe cases of HG means having to go through this trauma the entire pregnancy (or sometimes for up to 6 months after giving birth!). Those women may need feeding tubes, constant homecare, and are usually monitored 24/7. Of course, that’s if they don’t die beforehand …
So, What’s Next?
I’m acutely aware of the amount of time I’ve lost already, the work I’ve neglected, and the deadlines I’ve missed. Right now, though, I need to take care of myself and make sure this baby gets born. That being said, I’m trying to slowly get back into a routine that allows me to catch up with editing and writing. Please understand that it’s a slow process and there will be days that I simply can’t focus. I’m trying my absolute best.
God-willing, I’ll be back on my feet by the end of May.
Until then, though, expect sporadic updates and posts. I’m sorry, but these are the cards I’ve been dealt (and I hate it, believe me, but what can I do?).
Apologies for the long post, but I thought it was important for you to know where I’ve been all this time. Hopefully, the next time I check in, I’ll be more Monique and less … ghoul. LOL!
Also, happy 2021! I hope this year brings you all great fortune and happiness. 🙂
Love ya!
Monique
